Thursday, April 25, 2013

Eight Years Without You Emily Jasmine

"I Forgive"

I' ve heard advice for the bereaved that forgiveness
is an important part of "healing." I 've worked hard at that
elusive forgiveness, and came to the realization today that I actually able to forgive quite a lot.

* I forgive myself for not forgiving the people that
caused my daughter's death. Some things are just not
"Forgivable," and she would understand.

* I forgive others for sharing their "miracles," with me,
not understanding how cruelly this attacks my heart, as I
wonder where my daughter's miracle was.

* I forgive others for not understanding me, I don't
understand anything anymore, so I can't expect others to
understand me either.

* I forgive myself for not being able to do all of the things
I used to be able to do. I don't function as well as I used
to, and that's okay.

* I forgive others for continuing to live in that other world
where I once lived with my daughter. It's a good world,
and I miss it a lot.

* I forgive myself for no longer fitting into that world and
not always being able to fake it. I am different now.

* I forgive others for avoiding me. They don't know what
to say and, quite frankly, that leaves me with nothing to
say to them either.

* I forgive my daughter for leaving me. She loved life and
she loved me. I believe she loves me still.

This is probably not what people mean when they say
we need to "forgive," but it's the best I can do. It's enough
that I can do anything at all, and maybe they will forgive
me as well.*

~Debbie Ortega